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TITLE: DEEP CUT RED          FORM: Screenplay, 105 pages

AUTHORS: Mike Teitelbaum     
      & Harlan Schneider     FACT/FICTION: Fiction

GENRE: Drama,thriller        CIRCA: Present

READER: M. Seerock           LOCALE: Small Montana town

BUDGET: Medium

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LOG LINE:

A young woman singer returns to Montana to find the man of her dreams only to discover that he's really her nightmare.

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COMMENTS SUMMARY:

This is a Drama where the heroine rises to the occasion and overcomes a stronger adversary with her perseverance and survival instincts. The Premise of a pair of grisly serial murderers that are living unbeknownst among friends and relatives in a small isolated town, is adeptly done. The murderers are nicely concealed among six well-described candidates. Story Line moves the action along quickly and efficiently to the surprise ending where you discover the two murderers. The Characterization is distinct and each character has a unique voice, attitude and personality. The Dialog works well for each character and uses subtle double meanings and symbolism to present the character's true feelings in the subtext. The Setting in a Montana small town lends itself to interesting and unusual locations.

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                        EXCELLENT GOOD FAIR POOR

PREMISE                      X

STORYLINE                         X

CHARACTERIZATION            X

DIALOGUE                     X

STRUCTURE                        X

SETTING                             X

OVERALL WRITING ABILITY      X

PROJECT RECOMMENDATION:        Market for studio production

SYNOPSIS:

DAWN REDBIRD, a spirited beauty who recently moved back from LA, tenderly sings of love and betrayal as she auditions in a bar in a Montana mountain town. In the meadow next to the river, two young boys, TED HARRIS and KENNY HARRIS, stumble upon a woman's severed arm with fingernails painted a Deep Cut Red color. When they charge admission to see the arm at their trailer home, LIEUTENANT TIM MAYNARD from the Sheriff's Department arrives to investigate.

JEWEL MORGAN, a raven-haired beauty, reports for the television audience that this is the third severed limb found in the county in three months.

At the Flying Horse Bar, VIOLET GREEN, Dawn's cousin who teaches in the Soil Sciences Department at the university, teases Dawn that Maynard still has a crush on her. Dawn turns and eyes JACK HAYES, handsome 20s, the bar man, and says she might change her mind about preferring rogue guys and snap up a decent man. This raises Violet's jealous response about her Jack. When the band's rehearsal hits a snag, BILLY WILKES, singer 20, is upset at HUBBLE, bandleader, who is unhappy with Billy's performance. They argue loudly about not knowing the songs and especially about being late, resulting in Billy getting fired, starting a fight, and blaming Dawn for taking his job. Jack leaps over the bar, breaks up the fight and pushes Billy out the door. Dawn replaces Billy as the lead singer.

When Dawn and Violet leave the bar, Dawn is confronted by Maynard, whom she hasn't seen since before she left for LA. He is in the parking lot looking into dumpsters and checking license plates as part of his investigation of the murders and warns Dawn to be careful. When he leaves, Dawn asks Violet about him. Violet says Maynard's wife disappeared and a neighbor saw him digging a trench behind his house shortly after.

Back at the bar that night, as Dawn sings, Maynard flashes a photo of a missing woman. Violet recognizes her and claims she was trash that threw herself at Jack. When the bar closes, Billy, drunk, looms up menacingly and brandishes a broken liquor bottle as Dawn is about to get into her Pathfinder. Dawn knees him in the groin. As Billy is about to retaliate, Jack intervenes and gets him to drive away. Violet rages as Jack volunteers to follow Dawn home to insure her safety. At Dawn's cottage, she invites him inside for drinks. As things are heating up nicely, Jack hears an unexpected noise outside in the darkness and investigates, finding nothing. He abruptly decides to leave, over Dawn's disappointment. She sees him off and while walking back toward the house, hears a footstep and a twig snap. Running back in the house, she gets her handgun and challenges the unseen intruder, but all is quiet.

Dawn falls asleep with a movie playing on the TV. Outside, in the dark, a figure brandishing a sickle slinks around the cottage. In the morning, Dawn watches a television report identifying the severed arm as belonging to a transient worker at the nearby inn.

Violet unexpectedly arrives supposedly to tell Dawn about the dead woman, but actually to verify if Jack had spent the night. Violet then explodes with her real mission, to intimidate Dawn to leave Jack alone because he belongs to her. Later, after Violet leaves, Maynard arrives to investigate the fight Dawn had with Billy in the parking lot. He wants to know if Dawn noticed that Billy's car sagged in the back. When she asks if Maynard is trying to spook her, he allows that he wants to protect her. Violet, Maynard and Billy are all now our suspects.

That night, Dawn drives over to Jack's cabin. Outside, he is running meat through a mulcher to feed raccoons. Dawn attempts to feed them, but gets her finger bitten. Jack brings her inside to apply first aid. As they have drinks, a spotlight from across the river flashes onto the cabin. Jack says it is Maynard looking for the rest of the body. This seems to trigger Dawn to passion and as Dawn and Jack get on with it, the light flashes back and forth.

As Dawn sleeps blissfully in Jack's bed, Reporter Jewel Morgan is hit in the head with the butt of a sickle as she leaves the bar. Jewel later awakes to being dragged out of a car in a meadow beneath a billboard advertising her new show and sporting her face. She screams and attempts to flee, but the attacker, brandishing a sickle, chases her down.

The next morning, Jack tells Dawn that they must be careful about continuing their affair because he could lose his job over it. Furious at such a weak excuse and for being a one night stand, Dawn leaves immediately. Driving home, she stops at a traffic jam caused by the police cars surrounding the area around the billboard. She stops the car in front of the billboard and sees a woman's amputated leg nailed to the sign. As a deputy attempts to release the leg, it falls from his grasp and bounces onto Dawn's Pathfinder. It is reporter Jewel Morgan's, because one of her unique boots is still on and it is now painted with the Deep Cut Red nail polish. Sheriff Maynard pulls the hysterical Dawn out of her truck and consoles her.

Dawn arrives home and finds a carved wood raccoon sitting on her stoop next to a bouquet of wild flowers and a plateful of Jack's muffins. Later, she prepares to go to work, singing at the bar, but finds her truck has been disabled by someone. She notices a strange car approaching and ducks back into the cottage to get her gun. The car stops. She sneaks up behind it, and, surprisingly, Jack steps out. She is afraid he may possibly be Jewel Morgan's killer, but he talks her into lowering the gun and apologizes for his being afraid about continuing the affair.

Jack takes her in his car to go to work. As they drive by the river, they see the boys Kenny and Ted horsing around at the edge. Ted falls in and is quickly swept away to certain death. Jack manages a difficult rescue. As Jack takes the boys home, Ted discovers Dawn's handgun in her shoulder bag and steals it. At the trailer park, Dawn is surprised to see that Billy's trailer sits next the boys'. Billy disables his phone so that she can't call Hubble to tell the bandleader why she is late. He takes off.

When Dawn gets to the bar, she finds Billy singing with the band. Dawn accuses Billy of disabling her truck. Hubble, who can't stand people who are late, has accepted Billy back into the band in place of Dawn. She storms out of the bar. Sheriff Maynard meets her in the parking lot and requests that she come to his office.

Dawn and Jack arrive at the Sheriff's office, where Maynard questions Jack and implies that Jack might be a suspect. On a board, numerous photos and descriptions of the brutal amputation murders are arranged to find patterns, if any exist. Later that evening, Maynard sits down next to Dawn in a restaurant and warns her to be more careful.

That evening, Dawn goes back to her cottage. She discovers Jack on the river bank next to a fire with candles, music and a bottle of Cuervo. Dawn spritzes him with the tequila. As she begins to lick it off from his chest, Jack takes the bottle and douses her breasts. He tosses the tequila aside. It lands in the fire. As the flames flare up, they claw at each other's clothes. Violet stumbles into the scene. Jack runs off. Violet turns on Dawn and says, "You can fuck him, but you'll never have him."

The next morning, Hubble phones and offers Dawn another gig. On her way to the rehearsal, she passes Maynard sitting in the field where the severed leg was found. He's meditating on a partially-used bottle of Deep Cut Red nail polish. He says he'd like to hear her sing that night. She says she wouldn't mind. At the rehearsal, Billy shows up and denies sabotaging her Pathfinder. He says he has no hard feeling toward her and even suggests that they do a song together, sometime.

Dawn returns to her cottage to get ready for the performance. When she slides her foot into her boot, something gets stuck to her toes. She pulls out a severed hand. The finger nails are painted Deep Cut Red. Having been called to investigate, Maynard escorts Dawn to her performance, but does not stay. At the bar, Dawn and Violet get into a fight over Jack. Violet threatens to kill Dawn, but Billy intercedes.

On her way home, a pick-up bumps Dawn's Pathfinder and runs her off the road. As the driver gets out of the pick-up, holding a sickle, and approaches Dawn, she guns the Pathfinder out of the ditch. She notices the driver wearing a duster and cowboy hat, just like Violet's. Chased by the pick-up, Dawn turns in to the road to Jack's cabin. She tells him that Violet may be trying to kill her. They hear a vehicle approaching. Jack goes out to see who it is. Dawn grabs a rifle from the rack and charges out into the darkness. When the pick-up's lights flash on them, she shoots out one of it's headlights. The pick-up hurtles back up the road.

Back in the cabin, Dawn and Jack make tender and romantic love. Dawn cuddles with Jack and plays with his chest. He says his mother used to do that and other unimaginable things to him and his half brother. This is all news to Dawn. One time, as a kid, Jack came home to find his brother tied to the bed, painted up like a two bit whore and his mother ramming a wooden handle up his ass. He then told his father, who had her leave and never come back. They hear a noise outside. Jack gets up to investigate. Dawn grabs her jeans and starts to put them on. Billy, wearing a duster and cowboy hat, bursts past Jack into the room. Jack reveals that Billy is his half brother!

Billy knocks Dawn down and tapes her to the bed. He takes a bottle of Deep Cut Red nail polish from his pocket and makes Jack paint Dawn's toe nails. Billy rips her pants up with a knife and makes plans to cut her up into pieces. When Jack and Billy leave to dispose of Dawn's Pathfinder, Maynard arrives and tries to rescue her. Billy hits Maynard hard, knocks him out, and throws him in the trunk of his own car. He and Jack contemplate putting Maynard into the mulcher to make food for the raccoons. Dawn, alone now, struggles to free herself and succeeds. She manages to free Maynard from the trunk, but Jack and Billy chase after Maynard and shoot him as he jumps into the river. They then catch Dawn, whack her on the head with a sickle handle, and she slumps. Billy can hardly wait to have fun with her while Jack, now with mixed emotions, seeks to delay Billy's fun.

Dawn awakes and Billy lets her go in anticipation of the thrill of the hunt. As she flees, he chases her, flinging the sickle over and over. They drag her into a shed and reveal that they know Maynard has been after them for months, but he needed someone like Dawn as bait to catch them and arrest them. As they leave the shed to check out the grounds, raccoons start nipping at Dawn. Jack comes back in with a shotgun and lights some candles. Billy fusses with the mulcher to get it ready for Dawn. Dawn gets Jack to talk about his past and he grows bitter at his mother making him into a girl and abusing him sexually in front of Billy. Dawn tries to convince Jack that she's really in love with him and that they should run away. Billy overhears and bursts in. He accuses Jack of betrayal.

As Billy and Jack fight, Dawn frantically looks for a weapon. Clawing at shelves in the shed, she finds body parts floating in jars of formaldehyde. She hurls a jar at Billy. It strikes him in the head. The jar smashes on the floor, and Violet's head rolls out. The lips are painted red.

Dawn grabs Jack's shotgun and runs toward the river. A hand reaches out of the water and grabs her ankle. It's Maynard. She pulls him out of the river. He admits that he had indeed used her as bait to stop the killings but had warned her and had been watching out for her safety. She says he should have been watching out for Violet.

As Billy lurches out of the woods and goes to shoot Maynard, Dawn blasts Billy with the shotgun. As Billy tries to shoot back, Jack explodes out of the woods and takes the bullet intended for Dawn. Dawn swings the shotgun at Billy and knocks him into the river. He disappears into the raging dark water. Jack dies in Dawn's arms.

The next morning, the police swarm Jack's cabin and cart away the body' parts in plastic bags. Dawn and Maynard leave to go home. Maynard thanks her for saving his life. Seeing the boys, Kenny and Ted, they stop and retrieve Dawn's gun. As the boys scamper off to get Billy's gun, Maynard says he is watching them - Billy has taught them everything they know.

Several days later, Dawn sings of love and betrayal at the bar to a crowd. Her nails are painted Deep Cut Red. Sheriff Maynard watches and waits.

COMMENTS:

DEEP CUT RED is a bizarre murder drama about a young woman who is looking for love and meaning, and who is singled out as the next victim in a psychotic killer's series of mutilations. She perseveres and survives, and along the journey though the nightmare, she finds love in a place she did not foresee. She and the sheriff team up and catch the bad guys and each other.

The Premise that a protagonist who perseveres can overcome even the most sinister of antagonists fits comfortably in this type of story, and is both familiar and has a surprise ending. All of the principal characters, the Sheriff, Billy and Jack, Violet, the boys Ted and Kenny, and even Dawn, the heroine, are suspects at one time or another to be the killer. Nothing in the story gives away the surprise at the end of the second act that Billy and Jack were half brothers and the killers. The surprise was equally as effective as in THE CRYING GAME.

The Characterization was distinct, and each character had a different voice, attitude and personality. Improvements would emphasize the background, dreams and motivation beyond their present day actions. Contrasted with other serial killer stories, this one does explore the background of the killers and why they are what they are. Dawn definitely has an edge to her. She is not a goody-goody girl, but it's her edge that makes her sparkle and it does not prevent us from sympathizing with her plight and her dreams.

The Dialog works well for each character. Dawn and the Sheriff rub each other the wrong way and speak to each other in subtle double meanings, such as about her affair with Jack on the river bank by the fire. There are some sarcastic moments that make for good conflict between them, but there is humor as well. Portions of shallow conversation was used well to set up the harshness of the real truth that followed, such as when Violet came to Dawn's house pretending to be nice when all she wanted to know was whether Jack spent the night with Dawn.

The Setting around a Montana small town lends itself to unusual locations. The isolation of Dawn's cottage and Jack's cabin adds to the suspense.

The writers did a good job in establishing all the elements of a thriller without the usual blood and gore seen in so many films in this genre.

Screenwriter's note:   I have scouted all the sites in Montana.  The professors heading the film department at Montana State University love the script and would assist in securing experienced below-the-line staff.