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TITLE: ODDS                        READER: T. Vanland

AUTHOR: Mike Teitelbaum            LOCALE: East Coast/Las Vegas

FORM: Screenplay/103 pages         BUDGET: Medium

FACT/FICTION: Fiction              CIRCA: Present

GENRE: Theatrical comedy

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LOG LINE:

A human-looking robot who can control gambling machines becomes the bone of contention between two Mafiosos who need the robot to break the bank at Vegas -- but all the robot wants is to be human and fall in love.

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COMMENTS SUMMARY:

The premise is excellent and the story on the mark -- including decent twists and farcical mix-ups. The mob characters are purposely stereotyped, including their descriptive names. The lead characters are interesting - Malcolm the robot, who, like the Tin Man, learns that it's his heart and not his construction that makes him human, and Angelina, the seeming waif, is realistically unpredictable, spontaneous and cleverly opportunistic. The dialog is generally good, with good differentiation between the characters. The action moves through most means of transportation and paces the story. Intellectually it's several steps above "Dumb and Dumber" and contains many more comic bits.

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                            EXCELLENT   GOOD  FAIR  POOR

WRITER RECOMMENDATION:         SOLICIT ADDITIONAL PROJECTS

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SYNOPSIS:

MARIO TORTELLINE, mid-thirties, loud dresser, sits among his Mafia cohorts, DON ANTONIO PAVERTI, Godfather and out-of-wedlock father of Mario, FRANCO PAVERTI, his legitimate son, PIZZA FACE RINDONE, WARTS VALERI, LIPS MATZARONE, TOOTIN' BARTONI and BOOGER SCALINI. Mario is confident that the race he has fixed will earn the family a bundle and earn him the respect he has longed for. Mario's latest "sure thing" leads the pack into the final stretch carrying 60 to 1 odds. The Mafiosos are gleeful over a huge score until Mario's horse takes a bowel movement break 50 yards from the finish. Franco bad mouths Mario, who flees the track with Tootin' and Booger popping caps his way.

Mario reappears in Atlantic City wearing a disguise, and after dropping his roll at the slots, sees two men wiring up to slot machines and emptying them. On the scent of money, he follows the men to a technical school and watches through a window as PROFESSOR GIOVANNI works on MALCOLM, who is revealed to be a robot who can communicate with machines. He eats only jello and expels it undigested through his belly button. He has strong magnetic powers and the Professor stores his tools on him. But Professor Giovanni makes it clear they're only scamming enough to keep the technical school open -- any more would be stealing. Mario bursts in and demands to borrow Malcolm and pay Professor Giovanni just a split, effectively taking over the scam. The Professor refuses, and Mario leaves mumbling threats.

At Franco's Italian Restaurant, Don Paverti, Tootin', Pizza Face, Booger, Lips and Warts discuss who's taking over when Don Paverti steps down. Lips says Franco's too dumb. Tootin' says he'd be better than Mario. Pizza Face and Tootin' make it clear that Franco is Don Paverti's legitimate son. All but the Don actually hope that neither Franco nor Mario will be anointed, leaving the field for one of them. But Don Paverti is insistent on either Franco or Mario succeeding him. He suggests a contest to decide -- whoever breaks the bank at the Nevada State Casino will be the new Don and will get to marry Kitty O'Neill, the daughter of the Irish Chicago don, honoring a marriage contract made years before and cementing an alliance. They look at the only picture they have of Kitty...as a small not too pretty child. JINGLES LUIGI MASCAGNI enters and tells Don Paverti that Mario's been spotted in Atlantic City.

In a department store in Atlantic City with the Professor, Malcolm communicates with a mechanized swinging polar bear and makes it speed up until the bear flies into a kiddy pool. Malcolm overhears a woman giving a dog commands, and, just like the dog, Malcolm follows the commands, rolling over and barking. Malcolm puts on roller blades and quickly learns to skate. Soon he's speeding and jumping all over the store, finally ramming the Professor into a baby carriage and skating him out of the store. Mario watches as Malcolm and the Professor in the baby carriage explode out of the store, pursued by an army of clerks. Before Mario can follow them, Tootin' and Lips put the arm on him and take him to Don Paverti.

As the other Mafiosos bet on the outcome, Don Paverti instructs Mario and Franco about their contest -- whoever can break the bank at the Nevada casino gets Kitty and will be the new Don. Outside, Franco vows to kill Mario, but Mario tricks Franco and gets away. At the technical school, the Professor shows Malcolm to the students. He happens to say that if the school is closed for lack of funds, he will have to donate Malcolm to the Smithsonian Institute. Later, the Professor finds Malcolm reattaching his body parts, replacing an arm with a leg. He has taken the Professor's contingency as a certainty and wants to deform himself so that the Smithsonian won't want him. The Professor tells Malcolm he's invented a new microchip that will allow him to insert his own brain into Malcolm to always be with him. Mario bursts in on them and points a gun at the Professor, demanding Malcolm with intent to use him to break the casino's bank.

As Mario kidnaps Malcolm the Professor mentions that Malcolm isn't human, and Malcolm reacts, claiming that he is. To disguise Malcolm, Mario takes him to a dress shop, from which Malcolm emerges made up in a red wig and in drag.

As they drive away, Mario's Cadillac vocalizes a low fuel warning in a sexy female machine voice. Malcolm plugs into the car's cigarette lighter and makes friend with the voice. In an Atlantic City restroom, Malcolm empties slot machines for Mario until an irate trucker attacks Mario for bringing a "woman" into the john. Malcolm exhibits extraordinary strength by tossing the trucker into a wall, knocking him out.

When Malcolm learns that Mario does not intend to return him to the Professor, Malcolm jumps into the Cadillac's passenger seat. Driving by car by connecting his wire sensor to the cigarette lighter, the Caddy and Malcolm careen through the streets on a wild joyride, during which the Caddy transfers feelings to Malcolm as well as giving him his first orgasm. The Caddy crashes after destroying a truck full of live chickens, but Malcolm transfers the Caddy's personality into a parked Rolls-Royce.

Reporters from a nearby political rally, question Malcolm and he reveals Mario's plan to take him on a train to Las Vegas. Franco in New York sees the television broadcast. He jumps on his Harley, but crashes it into the abandoned Cadillac, now occupied by the chickens and a store-front mechanical man placed in the driver's seat by Malcolm to prevent it from being urinated on by a dog.

Malcolm watches a hip hop class on a store television and learns to bust a move. Mario catches up with him and demands he pay for the Cadillac by hitting the slots in Vegas. At Grand Central, Franco and the Professor with police, separately search for Mario and Malcolm. The Professor doesn't recognized Malcolm dressed as a woman. Just as Mario spies Franco heading for him, ANGELINA, a pretty 19-year-old, starts a commotion and prevents Franco from reaching Mario.

Malcolm assists a Red Cap load baggage, but he ends up grabbing suitcases and purses from enraged people and tossing them up to the Red Cap. Angelina begs Mario to take her with them to Chicago, claiming she is running from drug dealers. As the train departs with Malcolm still on the platform, he churns his legs mercurially and overtakes the train. Mario reaches out and pulls him on board.

On the train, a man attempts to flirt with Malcolm, still in drag. In the dining car a waiter spills soup on Malcolm, and Mario, exhibiting compassionate feelings toward Malcolm, dries him off. When Mario goes to remove the wet dress from Malcolm, passengers rise to Malcolm's defense, believing Mario is being sexually offensive. While Franco paces the train on his Harley, Angelina and Mario explore each other's character.

When Malcolm's leg begins to squeak, he pulls down his shorts in front of passengers and squirts olive oil into the crack of his butt, squelching the squeak. Meanwhile, the Professor is seeking the help of the FBI to find Malcolm but they think he's crazy. Malcolm, who eats only jello, is urinating red Jell-O of the back of the train when it lurches to a stop and pitches him off. Franco pulls up on his Harley and Malcolm lifts it on the train for him. Franco slips on the pool of jello and lands on his butt before Malcolm assists him onto the train.

Franco doesn't recognize Malcolm, since he's no longer in drag or wearing the red wig. Franco finds Mario and puts a gun to his head. Mario tells him what he intends to do with Malcolm and where Malcolm is. Franco vows to kill Malcolm along with Mario. Angelina scurries back to warn Malcolm, and as Franco reaches them they're riding off on his Harley. After shooting off his own fingertip, Franco commandeers a truck and races off in pursuit. He catches up to Malcolm and Angelina and starts shooting. Franco's Harley has a machine gun on board, and Angelina returns fire, stopping the truck.

Malcolm accidentally deactivates the bike's front brake. It wheelies through an amusement park, crashes through vending stands and knocks over a stove which ignites a fireworks display. The bike bounces onto a roller coaster track and loops the loop pursued by a train full of screaming kids. Angelina reaches the rear brake and the bike skids to a stop in front of a rock`n'roll dance hall. They enter the packed dance hall, where she rocks out and he does ballet, inspiring first jeering then imitation.

Angelina teaches Malcolm a new step, and soon all the kids are in line dancing with them. In a restaurant, Angelina and Malcolm are harassed by two rednecks who call Malcolm a sissy for eating only jello. When Angelina and Malcolm leave, the rednecks shove dirt in Malcolm's face, and as Angelina runs over one with the Harley, Malcolm hangs the other by the shirt from a lamp post. Afterward, Angelina wipes his face with her skirt and then kisses him. With the Cadillac's voice Malcolm tells Angelina he doesn't know how a kiss feels because the Professor didn't equip him with that feeling.

In Chicago, Franco meets with DON PADDY O'NEILL, discusses marrying his daughter, Kitty, and tells him that Mario is already married. As Malcolm and Angelina pull up outside Chicago Union Station, she tells him she"...worked the Grand Prix circuit in Europe -- after I ran away from a convent." She tells Malcolm she wants to make sure Mario's all right, and that she might be sweet on him. As they head into the building, Don O'Neill, Franco and the "Chicago Mob" enter through another door. Mario detrains and meets Malcolm and Angelina, but Franco sees them. He chases Mario and Angelina, but Mario gives him the slip and Franco continues chasing the girl.

Malcolm engages O'Neill in a conversation but the Irishman thinks he's Mario and asks him if he's married. Malcolm answers no. O'Neill asks him if he's the illegitimate son of Don Paverti, again Malcolm says no. O'Neill likes Malcolm/Mario, and now suspects that Franco is lying to him. O'Neill promises to meet him in Las Vegas where the marriage arrangements can be made for him and Kitty. Franco catches up with Angelina and they head for O'Hare airport on his Harley. When he tells her about the break-the-bank contest, she decides to go on to Vegas with Franco.

Malcolm goes to an arcade where he hooks up to a machine and quickly wins hundreds of free games for the kids, including one who has a laptop computer. Malcolm patches into the computer and learns at least the literal meaning of human being and love. He also learns the acronym DNA. The boy tells him that he needs DNA to be with a woman and reproduce. Human beings, love, DNA, Malcolm is fascinated. Mario comes along and puts Malcolm in tow for O'Hare. He tells Malcolm robots can't reproduce since they don't have sperm. Malcolm naively says that if professors wanted robots to have sperm, they would have given us some. As they head for the airport in a taxi, they pass the Professor headed toward Union Station. Malcolm wants to go after the Professor, but Mario won't let him.

At O'Hare, Malcolm's metal body almost blows the metal detectors, and nobody believes Mario's explanation -- that Malcolm is a robot. Mario has Malcolm lie down on the x-ray machine conveyor and a small child tries to climb in after him. The guards stare in amazement at the x-ray monitor as Malcolm passes through. As Angelina and Franco buy tickets at American Airlines, Malcolm goes into the men's toilet, where he pees out green jello.

Leaving the john, Malcolm connects his sensor to a baggage cart machine. Soon, carts are shooting out of the rack, scattering travelers and causing carry-ons, pizzas, hot dogs and popcorn to fly like missiles. Franco spots Malcolm, learns he has a ticket to Vegas and drags him to American Airlines, but Mario bought Malcolm's ticket at United.

The Professor happens along, and Malcolm yells to him for help. Franco locks the Professor in a closet, but then Malcolm refuses orders from Franco, claiming he's now human and doesn't take orders. The Professor has Malcolm attach his wire sensor to the Professor's head, but instead of the Professor sending his brain into Malcolm, only some skin DNA is transferred. Franco empties out the Professor's luggage, unscrews Malcolm's head, arms and legs and puts them inside.

Franco, with the suitcases as carry-ons, meets back with Angelina and they board the American Airlines plane. Franco tells Angelina that he's going to ditch his future Irish Kitty O'Neill as soon as he has access to her money, and also crudely offers to bed Angelina. Airborne, Malcolm hears people and screams for help. Angelina hears him, and the flight attendants force Franco to let Angelina reassemble Malcolm. The pilot and co-pilot are carried out of the cabin sick, and Malcolm, claiming video game experience, takes the controls. He does some fancy stunts and then lands the plane in Vegas to a media frenzy. Watching Malcolm and Angelina on TV,

Don O'Neill recognizes her -- Angelina is actually his daughter Kitty, who, knowing her father would be whacked if she didn't honor his contract with Paverti for marriage, was out to see which of the half-brothers she would pick for her husband. The O'Neill mob scrambles off for Vegas. When the reporters clear out, Franco shoves Malcolm into a car. When Angelina/Kitty tries to stop Franco, he roughly shoves her and calls her a bimbo. Now Mario comes along and he and Angelina/Kitty head to Franco and Malcolm's only possible destination, the Nevada Casino. Mario admits to Angelina that Malcolm is growing on him.

Franco checks into a hotel with Malcolm, and in the room examines Malcolm's sensor attachment and discusses which games he can control -- slots and possibly roulette. In the Nevada Casino, Franco and Malcolm run into Mario, Don Paverti and the "New York Mafia Council." Mario tells the Don that Franco is trying to use Malcolm to cheat in the contest, but refers to Malcolm as a man, which causes Malcolm to hug Mario. Don Paverti says no cheating.

Don O'Neill and the "Chicago Mafia" pull up to the Casino in a hearse. They unload a coffin, and Angelina meets them at the door. Both Mario and Franco shoot craps, but are losing money. Franco makes Malcolm give him his sensor by threatening harm to Angelina and he wins big as Mario goes broke.

The police arrive, arrest Franco and confiscate the sensor. The Professor arrives and is aghast when he sees Malcolm's sensor in the hands of the police. Malcolm says he doesn't need the sensor anymore -- he can magnetize the roulette metal ball and control where it lands. Malcolm plays for awhile and wins a fortune.

In Don Paverti's absence and with Franco out of the way the members of the New York council plan to whack Mario so that one of the council them will become the Don's successor. They also plan to whack Don O'Neill. Angelina meets up with Malcolm in the sports lounge, and when she holds his hand he feels something he never felt before. He asks her to kiss him again, and their kiss continues into a passionate embrace. When Angelina goes to meet her father, Malcolm wanders into the show room, and soon he is doing zany dance routines with the Show Girls. Later, in their dressing room, CARLA GASPERI sits on his lap, and when Malcolm says that Mario plans to see Italy, she says she has never seen the old country.

Angelina tells Don O'Neill she wants to get married -- meaning Malcolm. O'Neill thinks she wants to marry Mario, because he thought Malcolm was Mario when they met at Union Station. She then reveals to Mario that she is Kitty and that she loves Malcolm. Malcolm buys a new Cadillac convertible for Mario and a Harley for Franco "when he gets out." O'Neill learns that the New Yorkers plan to whack him, too. The New York mob are still debating their plans when O'Neill, the Chicago boys and the coffin come into the meeting room. The Chicago boys empty the coffin of its cargo of machine guns and level them.

A tense standoff occurs. O'Neill insists that the marriage take place. They send for Mario and Angelina to come to the chapel, and they, the Professor and Malcolm arrive. The four of them march down the aisle to the Justice of the Peace. Angelina distracts everyone by dropping a vase just as Malcolm says his "I do" and the J.P. declares Angelina and Malcolm man and wife. When the Italians realize who married Kitty, and the Irish realize that whoever Kitty just married, it wasn't Mario, guns are drawn.

Malcolm turns his magnetism back on and the guns fly through the air to plaster on him. The Dons agree that Paverti will adopt Malcolm, the marriage will stand, and Malcolm will rule the New York mob. Malcolm refuses to be adopted unless Don Paverti legitimatizes Mario. by admitting that Mario is his son. Paverti allows Mario to call him Papa and Mario leaps into Paverti's arms.

Mario tells Malcolm he's proud to have Malcolm as his brother, and Malcolm hands Mario two sets of airline tickets to Italy for him and Carla. Don Paverti has the J.P. perform the adoption ceremony. Malcolm explains to the Professor that the small patch of skin he got from the Professor gave him DNA, that he's going to make him grandchildren with Angelina because he can pass the DNA on to Angelina since she "loves double vanilla Jello-O." With everyone cheering, Mario, Carla and the Professor drive the newlyweds off in the Caddy convertible with streamers of jumbo Jell-O boxes dragging behind.

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COMMENTS:

This script begins with an excellent premise -- a human-like android/robot would like to be human, and most of all would like to learn about love and of course, get the girl. What animates this premise here is that the robot can control slot machines, making him not just the lead character but the McGuffin which attracts the Cain and Abel of the New York mob, Franco and Mario. The resulting farcical and slapstick comedy action has some remarkably funny scenes, I counted over 30 comic bits, such as when Malcolm the robot tries to get through an airport metal detector and ends up going though the x-ray conveyor to prove he's not carrying metal -- he's made of it.

The story is nicely structured and everything is well set up. There are several mix-ups that effectively exploit the evergreen comedy wellspring of conversation which both parties understand entirely differently, or in which one knows the truth and the other doesn't, but neither realizes it.

The stereotyping of Italians is not offensive in this play, as the characters are obvious put-ons with their characteristics or looks evolving into names such as Tootin,' who constantly expels gas, Booger, who keeps his finger in his nose, Pizza Face, Lips and Warts. The lead characters are interesting, in particular Malcolm the robot, who has a nice character arc as he gradually realizes, like the Tin Man in Oz that his humanity can make him human.

Angelina/Kitty, the seeming waif, is by turns unpredictable, spontaneous and cleverly opportunistic. She tells Malcolm she's sweet on Mario, kisses Malcolm, and even seemingly probes Franco as a marriage prospect before settling on Malcolm. In spite of this, the process by which Malcolm wins her over is gradual and steady. She remains in suspense between Mario and Malcolm until close to the end -- even the marriage scene leaves some room for doubt as to the outcome. But her decision to forgo an arranged marriage to Franco is clear when he reveals his brutality and lack of conscience.

When Angelina tells Malcolm that he's human because of how he acts, and Franco, in spite of being flesh and blood, is not -- the author has planted plenty of incidents to support her contention. Malcolm's simple and endearing Forrest Gump humanity, as well as a reproductive mechanism involving mixing DNA from the Professor's skin with copious amounts of excretable Jell-O, evidently is all it takes to render him emotionally and physically ready for love.

The dialog is generally good and humorous, with discernible character differentiation. Malcolm the Robot, on the other hand, becomes quite real. The writer seems to have caught the proper cadence in his speech, mechanical, but still inquisitively alive. Angelina also projects a lively and likable personality, which becomes progressively tangible as the script progresses. One might consider making her a little less flighty and dig deeper into her emotions. For example, her symbolic acceptance of Malcolm's marked differentness when she lovingly reassembles him could be much more moving if the dialog stayed on their emotions for more than couple lines.

All in all, this script has a good heart and some vibrant characters. Action follows action, without white space. The comedy is constant, both visual and audible.

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Hey, Mike, don't make a deal till I call you.  I want to read the entire script.  Send me a copy.